I am slowly enabling myself to accept me… For Me. Completely.
For nineteen years, I have dependably been in a constant battle with myself. A mental warfare. Through the years, all the negative aspects have only been noticed by my peers, my family, and even myself (because of negative self-talk). My outward appearance and demeanor have been fueled by the influences around me. I don’t think I have ever done anything, just for me, in a while.
A couple months back, new years specifically, was a time where I finally came up for a breath of fresh air. God had held my hand through what I thought was the most painful, distressing, and uncomfortable season in my life. I felt like I lost everything. The enemy robbed me of my peace, joy, and my identity. However, this is how GREAT He is. God had been working on my behalf.
I gave people too much priority in my life. I wouldn’t say I am a people pleaser, but I had given too much of my time to temporary people in my life. I felt like I was constantly pouring into the withered friendships that I was in. Nothing that I had ever given was reciprocated… This was a continuous cycle of suffocation. For reasons unknown, I had been dependent on this endless loop. The funny thing about it is… Why have I been this way for so long? Why did I settle? Why did I make myself smaller to compensate for everyone else?
God removed everything. Everything that made me suffer. Everything that made me feel small. Everything that had negative energy. Everything that produced toxicity in my life. To only fill me up with His unconditional love.
The love, peace, and happiness that I feel NOW compared to when I was searching for these things in people…. Beyond Words. If y’all could only feel what I mean. I praise God every day for the things that HE has done in my life. His sovereignty is so great. He had given me the TRUST that I had been yearning for.
I have a new taste of life. I don’t tolerate the same things anymore. I love the attention that I am giving God; He has been waiting for me to arrive into the mindset I am in living now. He constantly reminds me of that by the way He has provided for me.
I AM the Butterfly.
To be continued… 💛
-Divinity C
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